"Watch and pray so that you will not fall into
temptation. The spirit is willing, but the flesh is weak." Matthew 26:41
I feel like “the spirit is willing but the flesh is weak”
has been on replay in my mind the past 24 hours.
I want to have a strong will to stick to this. I want to
have the self-control to avoid splurging on the things that won’t fuel my body.
I want to do it in a healthy way. If I take on too much too soon, I lose
motivation and give up all together.
My pants that I just bought within the past 2 months are
fitting too tightly. They are hard to pull up, hard to sit in, and hard to move
in. The scale is back where it was in January. This was after I had successfully
lost 25 pounds from August to April. I hit a plateau. Then I fell into a
love-hate relationship with mint chocolate chip icecream. When the scale
started to reflect this relationship, I jumped ship with 2/3 a carton
remaining. Then a new obsession. Regular coca-cola. I was hooked on diet soda for
years in my late teens, and then off and on for the past several years. I still
have one sparingly, but not like I used to. But between icecream and soda and
making some other unhealthy choices, I ended up going up on the scale … when it
should be my new pants going up.
--
So what am I going to do about this? I had gotten onto a rigorous
training plan last fall for a half marathon that I wished to attempt this past
spring. But I never signed up for one. Me? Run in winter? Yea right. Instead I
hiked. I think hiking is a great 3 season sport and running in a 3 season
sport, too. Winter for hiking, and summer for running. Finding the balance in
spring and fall.
From November to March I did an excellent job at maintaining
my weight. I was ready for a new spring wardrobe, but I had maintained all
winter long. While I had hoped to shed a few more pounds, I was thrilled that I
had not gone up or down (outside of a 8 pound range; 4 up or 4 down).
I have tried to get back out and “get to the grind.” I feel
too stressed and I feel that the attempts are all but in vain. I feel like I am
pressing myself outwardly while I lack the courage, determination and
motivation internally. I struggle with the “not good enough” and the “whys” and
the comparisons. The “I’ll nevers” and the “I can’ts” and the pain and the hurt
of injury because subconsciously I sabotage my own successes.
Perhaps this 30 day shred is going to be more emotionally
and spiritually cleansing then I had originally thought? While there will
remain a physical side, I don’t anticipate it being as grueling as I had been
believing in my head. I believe emotional, spiritual, mental and physical all
go hand in hand. But ultimately I cannot expect someone to have more confidence
in myself than anyone else. I cannot sit on the sidelines waiting for someone
to some alongside me telling me now is the time.
The spirit is willing, and so is the flesh.
The past 24 hours were wrought will success and (used as a
learning curve) failures.
As for making healthy food choices? I had my half of protein
shake for breakfast. At work, I have a plethora of snacks that I need to
rethink. I had TWO fiber one brownies. I had 1 peanut butter dark chocolate
bar, I had Belvita snack crackers. I had carrots and hummus, I had a freezer
meal of fried rice and chicken. So all in all, not too bad. Until I picked up a
Papa Murphy’s take and bake pizza. Pepperoni, Mushrooms, Olives, Sausage,
Cheese. The works. And over half a pizza later. My body was very keen on
letting me know how it DISAPPROVED of this life choice. Then to top it off … 4
more s’more oreos were added. I do have to say that I am proud of my limiting
it to only 4 a day. Last time I ate at least 2/3 of the carton in one sitting.
(GROSS!).
I managed to avoid Face Book until 9am this morning. A whole
2 hours after I woke up.
As for the coffee creamer … I am making great strides. I
have cut out HALF of what I had been using per cup. Granted, I am just
finishing up my 2nd cup of chai tea now, but all in all I am winning.
Aiming to drink 64 oz of water was a challenge, and while I ended
up coming close, I did miss the mark.
Goals for the next 24 hours:
- Continue to make healthy food choices
- Integrate more “me time” and unplug from the world more often
- Drink drink drink more water
- Walk at least 1 mile, shoot for 2, and add small bursts of running as long as there is no pain.
7 day goal:
- Get my water intake up to a minimum of 64 ounces of water a day by next week Tuesday.
- Get some time in the sun/Son; at least 15 minutes PER DAY!!
- Recognize and replace negative self talk with positive mantras
- Read (pleasure/inspirational/Bible)
- Cut back on phone time; no phone within 30 minutes of waking up (except to shut off alarm and maybe check weather) and no phone at least 30-60 minutes before bed time.
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