Day 30

Wow. Day 30 is at its close. Who ever knew 30 days could seem like so short yet so long ago all the same? Life truly is short. Sometimes too short. So often I findmysenf living for later when "here and now" is what I have been blessed with. So this past month I didn't "drop a dress size." I didn't get my arms to stop jiggling. My inner thighs still rub. In certain pants there is evidence of a "muffin top." While yes, I want to be healthy physicslly, I really could care less about these so called flaws. I want to be beautiful on the inside. When the world is in an uproar, I want to find peace from God Almighty. There are so many differences and conflicting opinions in the world. Everyone feels threatened to some degree. Everyone is quick to throw out their opinion like a life saver hoping they won't sink. They must say something! Heaven forbid they remain silent. Drama. Hurt. Confusion. Ignorance. Two sides. What is the motive behind anything? I started this journey 30 days ago. I set out to be a better me. There have certainly been many character defining moments along the way. I've encountered some challenges that I didn't post about. I posted about something's that were rather uncomfortable. But I made it. Another 30 days behind me. 30 days I can't redo. 30 days I can't relive. All the things I wish I did differently I can start next month. All the things I did right I can elaborate on them. There were something's that were June specific. What they were I really don't know. Summer technically just began. I still have a few months to embrace a lot. I have a half marathon and a 5k to look forward to. Friends and the lake. Barbecuing. Family. My birthday. Seeing old friends and meeting new ones. These past 30 days were wonderful. I'm pretty excited to see what lies ahead. I think I'll keep up with the blogging. How often? I'm not sure. I think I'll take a slightly different, more targeted approach to July. I have until tomorrow to really decide what that'll look like. Maybe I'll focus on documenting one area? Maybe I'll be more specific in how I documebt what I gave been. Regardless, this process have been delightful. I'm so happy I did it. I'm a winner in my Father's eyes. Amen.

Day 29

Where has June gone? I can hardly believe that the month is nearing its close! I wish I had more to say for it. I started off strong, then lost motivation. Then motivation came back, and I was all ready to proceed, then it went away. Hen came back and went away many more times over the course of the month. Having a blog has really aided in holding me accountable. I haven't always posted e v e r y thing because I would forget, run out of time, or just couldn't figure out the words to use. Today is my baby sister's 3rd birthday. She has an oral aversion, so she doesn't opt to eat-- yet we always seem to celebrate with food. But today was a little different. My sisters and I all went to see "Inside Out" in theatres. It was a cute movie and I was excited that we could go with all my sisters. I made a meatloaf and baked potatoes. I need to rethink the way I make backed potatoes, as this is the second time in a row that I've burnt the spuds. After a wonderful day of relaxing and not really doing anything in particular, I went to church with the family and we celebrated the birthday girl with presents and cake. She just liked poking the candles in the cake and spreading it around with a fork. For her not eating any of it, she sure had lots of blue on her! One more day left in this "challenge." Again I have to say this journey has been far more emotional and spiritual then physical. I still don't know why I opt for the unhealthy foods and the choice to stay inside and veg instead of getting outside and running, cycling, or just moving in general. Goals. They are a great thing to have. I will continue to set them and continue to work towards them.

Day 28

Up and off to church I went. I bought a new skirt last night. I actually bought some new clothes -- a whole $68 worth and didn't have to pay a penny! I had had 4 pennies left over! Yey for sales, and coupons and store cash coupons! Family function two was today. I munched on peanut m & m's. I ate only 1 sandwich. I stopped after 2 peanut blossom cookies! I went to my friends cottage and swam, tubed, and boated. I feel I got in a great workout. For dinner we had ribs, corn, salads, and tortilla chips. Dessert was this amazing concoction of brownie, icecream, chocolate topping and whipped cream. O.My.Word. It was so amazingly delicious! Drinking water has not been going as well as it had been before. I am still keeping up with my vitamins, so I am happy about that. THe scale keeps fluctuating. I have a giant drawer of snacks in my desk at work. It was only the beginning of the month when I attempted to limit coffee creamer. Then we ran out of coffee at work. It was easy enough to not have creamer then. But we have coffee again. Today is day 3 of no coffee. Almost 4 days caffeine free-- I broke down and got a soda from McDonalds today. Hormones tend to do better when there is minimal caffeine on board. Well, onward and offward.

Day 27

My goodness. Life has been rough. Extremely emotional and hormonal and I haven't exactly had the motivation to do much. It kinda sucks. It majorly sucks. Family function one of three was today. While I didn't do too awful with food choices for the main meal, I fell hard for the peanut blossom cookies. And then I enjoyed the amazing birthday cake. YUM. I got a 2 mile run in! So all in all, I don't feel it was a completely bad day. ;)

Day 26

theres got to be a better way to handle hormones.

4 Icecream bars and a 2 mile rollerblade trip later. Oh my.

Day 25

its unwind time. Well. It should be. But I firgot to blog earlier in the day.

What a whirlwind of life I'm presently living.

A 6a run? Oh please. A 7a wake up? Negative. I was too exhausted this morning to even make it to work ontime.

A run after work? Not that either. A trip to the store and a couple of icecream bars later.

That's ik. The scale was down 1.9 pounds. Was that this morning? Or yesterday? Doesn't matter. Something I'm doing is working. I plan to keep it up!!

I read some of the book of Job tonight. Wisdoms. It can't be bought. Wisdom is fear of the lord and avoiding evil is understanding.

Day 24

24th day coming to a close and what do I have to say of it??

I'm reminded more and more how fast time flies by.

I've gotten in some good stretching tonight. I went for maybe a quarter mine bike ride. Maybe. But I gave it my all. It was rest day from a run.

Tomorrow is like to be running by 6:15. I want to be out of bed by 6. I can do it. I've got some time before bedtime to shower so I can get my required 8 hours of sleep.

And then back on the band wagon with drinking more water. Back in the band wagon of limiting technology. Back to reading more.

Back to setting a positive example for the future generations.

Day 23

I came home from work after one helluva day. It wasn't bad, there were just lots of emotions. All the way home I anticipated eating an Icecream cone and vegging out in front of Netflix.

This plan was foiled when I came home and there was no Icecream. Plan B. Get in a run - which was plan A until shortly before I headed home.

So here I am after eating 2 "natures choice" nitrate free beef hot dogs. I ate the pure protein only after getting in a 1.35 mile 20 minute run.

I'm making headway. I'm getting there. My goal was to get a base of 10 miles this week. I'm slacking and it's only Tuesday. I need to get a solid 2 miles before I start tacking on distance. I'm gradually increasing speed. I'm doing intervals more consistently. Hills kill me. But I'm looking at how far I've come and not how far I have yet to go!!

Day 22

Ugh. Hormones. Happen one second, something else the next. I hate it. I hate the week that constitutes every single emotion under the sun rotating every milliseconds for hours, days, on end.

At least exercise helps a great deal. As does water and vitamin consumption.

Today another 2 miles down. My shorts are feeling somewhat baggy. That gives me hope and it encourages me.

I lost count of how many weeks to my half. Maybe 16? I still have time. I'd like to be up to running 7 miles by August. I'd like to run my half in less than 5 hours. I'm averaging 3-3.4 mph right now. I want to increase that significantly. Even I get up to 5 mph. 6 or 7 is ideal.

I saw a quote "I don't diet and exercise; I eat and train." YES! This resonated with me. Too often I catch myself saying "time to exercise" but recently I've changed it up to "training time!" I'm going to kick butt. My butt. Im kicking it into gear.

This blig has been incredibly helpful with organizing my thoughts and incorporating healthy choices and achieving goals. It has helped me purge bad things while having healthy lifestyles and goals. It has taught me a little bit more about being human. I'm certainty not perfect, I eing ever claim I am. I'm just me. A beautifully flawed individual with a desire to live and let live, while inspiring individuals to rise to their highest potential. Because we are all beautiful. Embrace it.

Day 21

another week down. Where is the time going? Am I investing it wisely? Am I intentional about what I do, where I go and how I live?

About 4 years ago I was surrounded by a group of friends and often I heard "be intentional." I was so confused. I had no idea what this kind of thinking was. It took me close to a year of analyzing it. Intentional means "with a purpose." I want to do all I do and say all u say with a purpose.

Even in starting this blig my intention was to grow and exercise and get in shape physically, mentally,  emotionally and mentally. Too often I lost focus of this but I kept on keeping on.

I have learned that I need greater self control. I need to train and learn what clean eating is. I need to opt for salads and protein over carbs, breads, pasta and dessert. Less can certainly be more. I can opt for the smaller portion than the larger one.

Organizing my life in the outer realm has been refreshing. I'm simplifying and downsizing. My closet and dresser drawers are not so full. I have more hangers Than clothes in my closet once again.

I want to work up a monthly and a weekly cleaning chart. I have my bathroom a deep clean today. The shower rod I've had for 4 years and countless times it has fallen down and hit me. Or it'll fall in the middle of the night and I'll think someone broken in - on the 2nd story in the front of the house during morning commutes into work. Right.

Finally I bought a new one today. I even replaced the cheap clear plastic shower curtain holders that were so hard water restrained and rusty from the old rod. While I had the rod and curtain down, I scrubbed the tub/shower pretty well. I had previously washed the curtain, liner and hair stopper the night prior with Clorox abd borax. The dingy, mildewed previous white articles were back to almost new condition. Goodness I'm so thankful for a machine washable shower curtain liner!!

I scrubbed the sink and toilet well, too. I hate harsh chemicals. The smell is irritating. But I managed to only use scrubbing bubbles and toilet bowl cleaner. And a mr clean scrubbie that I totally annihilated.

Earlier this week I picked up 3 laundry baskets. I lined them up in my bathroom. One for lights. One for darks. One for towels. I'm so over washing all of my clothes together. The colors blend. The jeans ruin delicates. I was only doing it for convenience because a load takes so long in the wash. But so far I'm doing well with this system. When 1 basket gets full, time to wash that load. Or I can more easily keep track of what article of clothing I need and what in sl running low on.

I still have a long way to go when it comes to organizing. My biggest problem is that I take something out, and do f put it back where it belongs. It'll sit out for forever or I'll put it in the general vicinity. I'm learning. I'm getting better at it. The less I have the easier it is.

Nothing on this earth can I take with me to enjoy outside of this earth.

I want to get into a heavenly mindset. The world will pass away. I don't want to be attached to wordly things, but instead be focused on my heavenly home.

Day 20

2/3 of the way done. This journey has been immensely healing for me. Emotionally. Mentally. Spiritually. Physically.

Today I worked a 12 hour shift with mentally recovering patients. It breaks my heart to see some of these people and their mind sets they are stuck in. May times it felt like I was working with toddlers. Trapped. Trapped in their body. Trapped in their mind.

Day 19

the scale says what it said on day 1. So I know I'm great at maintaining. My arms are getting toned. My gut feels tighter, firmer and "sucked in," my friend noted "woot woot toned legs!" and I walked 1.68 miles today pushing my sister in a jogger and didn't break a sweat!

My face is breaking out with hormonal fluctuations. A detox I attempted left me with uncomfortable skin predicaments. A random dermatitis randomly flares up on my stomach or hips and never in the same place twice.

I started my cloves regiment again and I've aiways stopped after a couple days because I would develop red bumps. Nothing painful nor anything itchy that I recall. Like pimpl minus the ooze. I always associated the red bumps with an allergy to cloves but I get red bumps randomly when I don't take cloves. It's something. But I'm not sure what. A mix of what I eat and what I put on my skin? I usually use sensitive skin dove bars and tide free laundry detergent. Occasionally I spice it up and ise something ridden with overbearing scent. I haven't put a connection there yet.

I went facebook free today. I didn't miss it. Typing "m.fa" is too much of a habit, but I did well refraining. :)

I work 12.5 hours tomorrow. It has been a very long time since I've worked these kind of hours. Wish me luck. Good night.

Day 18

6:30 am. The Suns up. There's a bit of fog. Oh and theres me running! 1.24 miles by 7am? Yeah buddie! I hit my personal best mile of 13:55. If I've ever documented one that fast, it's been over a year ago. I felt great. Tired but so great. I feel accomplished that that's how I started my day.


Progress.

I'm trying to eat more protein and more leafy veggies. I haven't gone cold turkey on sugar.

I'm taking my multivitamin and I've also included cloves. They've proven to be a good source of fiber. ;)

I'm still getting in my water intake. :) and I'm feeling better overall.

Just to cut back on technology...

Day 17

Cutting back on sugar made for an incredibly trying day yesterday. I was miserable. Today I should have kept up with the trend, but sadly I caved and had icecream. 3 drumsticks. 

I also didn't get my run in today. Though I grilled beef franks and I FINALLY planted my raspberries. All I need now is to buy mulch/bark and cover the ground to help eliminate weeds!

There are a lot of things falling into place for me. In trying to simplify life. I trying to control less and surrender more. 

I'm not in charge of my outcome in life. I do have choices and when I'm connected with God, He won't let me down. 

There are some things I do in life and I wonder why I made such choices. I'll follow a prompting of the Holy Spirit and then that same day second guess abd feel selfish and get anxious that I did something wrong. 

Even as I write this I am reminded of  Phillipians 4:6-7: 6 Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God; 7 and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus. 

My heart belongs to Jesus. Everything I do I want to do for the glory of God. I want to be healthy and make smart choices so I can fulfill Gods calling on my life. 

Day 16

Day 16. Day 16 was a different day. It did not involve sleeping in as was hoped for. It was good though. Day 2 of breaking in the new running shoes. So far the shoes have 2.6 miles or so on them. Trying to work up a base of 10 miles a week.


I have been doing better with self control. We had a vendor come into work with icecream. I  had consumed so much sugar the 4 days prior, that I had such an awful sugar headache. I wanted icecream so bad to hopefully help the headache subside. But I refrained. I said no and stuck with it.


All in all, this has been a great journey! I am excited to see what the rest of the month brings!

Day 15

I can hardly believe that I have hit the half way mark on this journey. I feel for the most part that I have been going solo. I feel that is kind of what I've needed this far. I have been going to God to answer my big problems. I don't run to a friend first.

It feels like 15 days ago was forever ago. I feel like it should be beyond day 15. Yet at the same time .. I feel like time is going too fast. Why didn't I know then what I know now. How come I didn't prepare for the challenges I've encountered. Can I prepare now for what lies ahead?

Weight loss isn't really my goal. Dropping a dress size isn't really my goal either. As I've said time and time again, this is for a lifestyle change. I want to change the way I think. I want to change the way I live. I can't do it all at once, but over time the old will pass away making room for the new.

This morning I took my new shoes for a run. I love them. I still need to perfect how I tie them (as my feet still were falling asleep), and work on form, but for the first time I ran for a whole minute and a half. Or was it two minutes? I don't remember. I just know I ran and I felt great! I want to be able to run for miles without stopping. I have accepted the fact that I am not there yet. I will be. In due time I will be.

While my water intake has barely been 32 ounces, I have taken in at least 64 ounces in fluid by means of protein shake, sports drink, and smoothie.

Goals:

Drink, drink, drink.
Run on two of the next 3 days. Rest Friday, Sunday, and since I am working a 12 hour shift on Saturday, I am not planning to run that day.

Run 3 days a week. Work on breaking in my shoes and getting up to a base of at least 10 miles a week.

Hike.

Get back into making healthy eating choices. 

Day 14

Rain brough the party indoors up to the cottage! It was more junk food. But there was lots of swimming and jet skiing.

Almost time to head home and bedtime. :)

Day 13

today was a party day. Actually. It's a party weekend.

I'm ok with this. Especially since I got on the scale this am and it rehistered down 2.2 pounds!! So I know that something I'm doing is working!

Day 12

i thought I would reach some grandiose moment in life where I was fed up with feeling like crap. Like I would have an ephiphaby or something that'd get me on the clean living band wagon. Yea right. That hasn't happened yet.

Last night after consuming 2 snickers and almost a pound of bacon I'd be satisfied for awhile. Um. No. I did great until tonigh when I managed to enjoy me some Boston cooler. Vernors and vanilla icecream. Yum. But I enjoyed every sip!!

I had my 2 protein shakes. I'm at 2 out of 3 rounds of vitamins for the day. I always aim for 3, but am ok if I get in 2. Aside from protein shakes I had pizza and fish sticks.

I'm at over my 64 ounces of water again. I'm doing the best in that area. I'm slowly learning what foods fuel me and what foods make me feel icky. If I consume too much bread, sugar or refined products, I feel bloated and retain water. When I eat fresh fruits and veggies and meats nix the bad stuff I do much better.

It's a process. One that I'm committed to. One that I'm willing to follow through. I don't want to diet. I don't want to just lose weight and then go back to normal. I want a revolution. A life style change.

Day 11

im officially done with the first 3rd of this challenge. At least the documented 30 day journey. I debate extending my journaling. But after 30 days I'll see.

I finally bought running shoes. I'll put them to use next week! I'm excited to try them out!!!

I also bought shorts. Not capris. Not burmudas. But shorts. I've struggled with body image for a long time. I don't want to dress provocatively. I don't want to dress to impress. I'm so over feeling shamed because I have curves or breasts.

I bought a maxi skirt, too. My first one ever. I'm pretty excited to wear it! Casual Friday? I'm wearing a skirt!

My boss brought in cinnamon rolls today. I was going to pass. I did pass. For several hours. Then I caved. First 1/2. Then the other half. And to think that was the worse part? Nope. I then proceeded to have 2 snickers bars. There close to 700 calories that were totally unneeded.

Dinner consisted of 12 ounces of bacon. I did have my vitamins 3 times today. And I had a protein shake for breakfast AND lunch. Plus some fruit. I don't feel I did too shabby overall. Plus I went over 64 ounces of water again today.

A friend reminded me today of God's timing. Far too often I strive and I seek to gain control of a situation. It doesn't go as planned. Therecare delays. Miscommunications. People come and people go. I want what I want now. But God has a far greater plan. And everyday i learn to trust more. I learn to surrender again. I choose to walk with the Lord. Oh how much greater are his plans for me!!!

Day 10

well, water intake hasn't been an issue at all today. I'm downing the last of Atleast 96 ounces. If I can keep with this intake I think I'll be golden.

When I did my kayak adventure 4 days ago, I knew very early on that I had to drink, drink, drink. Being that I'm unceasing fluid, I notice so much quicker when I'm dehydrated. It's a blessing and a curse.

In 10 days the scale has not budged. It went up 0.3 pounds and plateaued. It sucks. My clothes don't feel any looser either. Some even feel tighter.

Am I not fully committed? Am I not giving it my all? Not really. I'm only half in this. And I can't figure out why!

There is a deeply spiritual journey in embarking on alongside this shread. The spiritual and emotional aspect is indeed proving to be more trying than the physical. I've been more active in the past 10 days. I keep pressing forward.

How much of this journey is mental? I feel far more than I care to admit.

My body is spent. Aches and pains are felt in muscles I didn't know existed.

I need a plan. There are so many things out there to choose from. I try so hard to do a little of both and ultimately end up failing miserably.

Low calorie? Low carb? Low fat? The possibilities are endless.

Low carb has worked for me. I just need to find low carb foods and meals and snacks.

I've been diligent with at least 1 protein shake a day and taking my vitamins at least twice a day, aiming for 3 times a day.

Being mentally fit is as important as being physicslly fit.

Exercise all around? Count me in.

Day 9

I write tonight as I lay as curled up as possible in my hammock on my back deck. The goal is to watch the stars come out. But it's kinda cold and quite buggy.

If only I wete prepared. If only this weren't in a whim and had been planned out. Naw. The impromptu things can sometimes be the best and most memorable.

I hear the crickets chirping and the frogs peeping. There's a faint roar of traffic in the background.

Goals. I need to have structure goals. I can start things blindly, but eventually I need a plan. Ive had my water intake. I've been meeting that. I stay active. While I haven't been running, I've been putting in a garden I feel the muscles I've been working whilst doing that!

I still need to buy running shoes. I still need to figure out from where and which ones. What am I looking for in a shoe?

Recent I heard or read that I should learn to say "no" to myself Atleast once a day. "It teaches self control."

But w h a t do I tell myself no to? I don't want to get so stingy that I don't allow myself grace.

Only 2 stars are out presently. It doesn't appear to be too cloudy. But it's getting late and I'm getting bitten.

I keep pressing on.

Today I ate fast food. Yes. I had Wendy's. I was going to get a combo, but there was a miscommunication and I ended up with just a sandwich. Probably for the better.

Shoes. I need running shoes. I've been so preoccupied with my garden that I'm not even upset that I haven't bought shoes yet. :)

Day 8

S'more oreos.


I don't want to have "guilty pleasures." I no longer want to hide my likes and dislikes or try to do what everyone else is doing.


Yes, I love s'more oreos. I love carbs. I love things are so no good for me.


My way too many to count oreo snack, followed by at least 3 "serving sizes" of Doritos was washed down with at least 32 ounces of water and 2 "serving sizes" of salad.


Gains and losses.


Wins and loses.


Success and Failure.




I want to figure this out. I want to figure out what works for me. I want to give it my all and not fall or give in.


Have the past 8 days really been a #shread? Not really. Mentally I was all in, but I was holding back. There is a huge blockade in front of me and I cannot for the life of me figure out how to hurdle over it.


What would I lose? Guilt? Shame? A few pounds? I really don't have anything to lose.


My priorities have been so focused on everything else that I am failing to take care of me.


I have goals, but I feel they get weaker by the day.


I have signed up for a half marathon for goodness sakes. Isn't that enough motivation? Apparently not.


One day at a time I am learning more and new things about myself. Each any every day it is something different.


Each day I learn of a love for deeper than a love I have ever known. Just when I think I have experienced it all, a new door opens.


Through HIM A L L things are possible. I can do ALL things through HIM who gives me strength.


I will run this race with endurance. I will not tire or grow faint or weary.


My God holds me up and I look to Him. My eyes remain on Him. My Abba, Father.

Day 7

Never underestimate the power and necessity of recovery days.

After 12 hours of sleep last night, I still squeezed in an hour nap this afternoon. My mind and body are taxed. I remember this happening last time I went kayaking about 6 weeks ago. My weekend is shot. But last time, I had to work 10 hours on my feet the following Sunday.

After my delicious thai food last night, and a great nights rest, I barely had enough time to get ready for church this am. I got up and ran out the door, pretty much.

All I have eaten today has been curry flavored couscous. Perhaps rumor is that pizza will be for dinner? I'm not sure. I'm famished at this point. I'm ready to eat. I just don't want to eat "two dinners."

Limiting screen time is going well. I like the convenience to blog from my phone. I have been doing well with avoiding facebook being my go to first thing in the am.

I'm slowly but surely working through reading my Hardy Boys books. I'm to book 10, but I need to go back and purchase book 8. Oops.

My goals remain the same per usual.

Eat better, drink more, limit screen time, stay active, and buy running shoes.

Day 6

sometines life is busy. Sometimes too busy to blog. Is it a realistic expectation to blog daily? Yes. Yes it is.

Today I went kayaking. Over 12 miles and 2000+ calories burned I'm ready for bed.

I went out for Thai food today. I had chinese earlier this week, too.

Making healthy food choices hasn't been easy. Icecream and cookies are an all to common of a staple in my diet. I don't like that.

Staying hydrated, staying active, and staying accountable via blogging have been the most obtainable goals.

I need running shoes.

I still need to focus on consuming more liquid.

I tried on a swim suit cover today with a cut out in the back. I need to find some back exercises.

Overall 6 days in im feeling good about this process. I'm reading more and watching TV and using the Internet less.

I'm sleeping better, even when I have a weird sleep schedule and can't follow routine.

My goals remain:

- drink more water
- buy running shoes
- limit screen time
- be intentional with how I spend my time
- dig my garden and plant my raspberries

Day 5

Drinking more water has been coming along well. I am up to at least (and more) 48 ounces by now. I met my intake of 64 ounces yesterday. Sometimes it is hard to drink so much. What goes in must come out ... right? Yea.

I decided to order take out Chinese food yesterday. 2 egg rolls and a small curry chicken later ... I was still happy with my food choices.

My snacks in my snack drawer are about gone. All I have left is a handful of raisins that I'll assume are still good to eat.

Eating a pound of bacon may not have been the wisest life choice last night, but it was certainly welcomed! I don't eat bacon often ... but when I do... ;)

I never got out for my walk yesterday, but I went swimming/trading water for the better part of an hour. It felt SO good to be doing something new and different as I haven't been swimming since last fall.

Today's eating choices were good still. I received my herbalife product and have been successful at having a protein shake today as well as keeping up on my multivitamin, too.

I had couscous for dinner tonight. It was tasty.

I might stop at the store tonight and pick up some icecream? I am not sure. I already had 4 girlscout cookies tonight. I bought them in April, and here I am close to 2 months later, and I still have some left. I only bought 2 boxes! In ears past, I had devoured on average a box a week (sometimes more!).

Goals.

• Continue to increase water intake
• Continue to cut back on refined sugars and replace them with healthy options
• Eat more fresh foods, working on eliminating processed foods
• Exercise regularly 

At only 5 days in, I have been able to celebrate success and failure. I have seen already areas of my life where the negativity needs to leave and the positive needs to flow more freely.

I want to let go of being my own worst critic, and really embrace everything about me. I have been able to "talk the talk" in so many areas of life, but for "walking the walk" I have not truly embrace who I am called to be and live my greatest potential being WHO and WHOSE I am.

I was created for a purpose. I have a destiny. I am so very loved by my ABBA. I want to live a life that is holy and pleasing to him.

I will leave you with this quote, re quoted by a friend of mine on facebook from someone wishing to remain anonymous:

"My life got a thousand times better once I stopped censoring myself. And by censoring I don't mean I suddenly started indiscriminately swearing; I mean I stopped trying to sugarcoat my past or my feelings;I stopped lying by omission. I stopped having guilty pleasures; I began unabashedly enjoying whatever I liked; I became very honest. I cut poisonous people out of my life and negative ideals, and I'm so, so much happier for it."

Day 4

Day 4.

Losing motivation to write and keep track of what is happening.

Water intake is increasing.

I received my herbalife product today and already consumed 1 beverage as well as took a multivitamin.

I ran/walked over 2 miles last night.

Making healthy eating choices has been a challenge, but one that is coming along better.

I read last night instead of binge watching tv. 

As long as I have the right mindset, I can do this.

I think the rest of the evening will be spent relaxing at a friends cottage on the lake. I need me some downtime.

Day 3

"Watch and pray so that you will not fall into temptation. The spirit is willing, but the flesh is weak." Matthew 26:41

 

I feel like “the spirit is willing but the flesh is weak” has been on replay in my mind the past 24 hours.

 

I want to have a strong will to stick to this. I want to have the self-control to avoid splurging on the things that won’t fuel my body. I want to do it in a healthy way. If I take on too much too soon, I lose motivation and give up all together.

 

My pants that I just bought within the past 2 months are fitting too tightly. They are hard to pull up, hard to sit in, and hard to move in. The scale is back where it was in January. This was after I had successfully lost 25 pounds from August to April. I hit a plateau. Then I fell into a love-hate relationship with mint chocolate chip icecream. When the scale started to reflect this relationship, I jumped ship with 2/3 a carton remaining. Then a new obsession. Regular coca-cola. I was hooked on diet soda for years in my late teens, and then off and on for the past several years. I still have one sparingly, but not like I used to. But between icecream and soda and making some other unhealthy choices, I ended up going up on the scale … when it should be my new pants going up.

 

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So what am I going to do about this? I had gotten onto a rigorous training plan last fall for a half marathon that I wished to attempt this past spring. But I never signed up for one. Me? Run in winter? Yea right. Instead I hiked. I think hiking is a great 3 season sport and running in a 3 season sport, too. Winter for hiking, and summer for running. Finding the balance in spring and fall.

 

From November to March I did an excellent job at maintaining my weight. I was ready for a new spring wardrobe, but I had maintained all winter long. While I had hoped to shed a few more pounds, I was thrilled that I had not gone up or down (outside of a 8 pound range; 4 up or 4 down).

 

I have tried to get back out and “get to the grind.” I feel too stressed and I feel that the attempts are all but in vain. I feel like I am pressing myself outwardly while I lack the courage, determination and motivation internally. I struggle with the “not good enough” and the “whys” and the comparisons. The “I’ll nevers” and the “I can’ts” and the pain and the hurt of injury because subconsciously I sabotage my own successes.

 

Perhaps this 30 day shred is going to be more emotionally and spiritually cleansing then I had originally thought? While there will remain a physical side, I don’t anticipate it being as grueling as I had been believing in my head. I believe emotional, spiritual, mental and physical all go hand in hand. But ultimately I cannot expect someone to have more confidence in myself than anyone else. I cannot sit on the sidelines waiting for someone to some alongside me telling me now is the time.

 

The spirit is willing, and so is the flesh.

 

 

The past 24 hours were wrought will success and (used as a learning curve) failures.

 

As for making healthy food choices? I had my half of protein shake for breakfast. At work, I have a plethora of snacks that I need to rethink. I had TWO fiber one brownies. I had 1 peanut butter dark chocolate bar, I had Belvita snack crackers. I had carrots and hummus, I had a freezer meal of fried rice and chicken. So all in all, not too bad. Until I picked up a Papa Murphy’s take and bake pizza. Pepperoni, Mushrooms, Olives, Sausage, Cheese. The works. And over half a pizza later. My body was very keen on letting me know how it DISAPPROVED of this life choice. Then to top it off … 4 more s’more oreos were added. I do have to say that I am proud of my limiting it to only 4 a day. Last time I ate at least 2/3 of the carton in one sitting. (GROSS!).

 

I managed to avoid Face Book until 9am this morning. A whole 2 hours after I woke up.

 

As for the coffee creamer … I am making great strides. I have cut out HALF of what I had been using per cup. Granted, I am just finishing up my 2^nd cup of chai tea now, but all in all I am winning.

 

Aiming to drink 64 oz of water was a challenge, and while I ended up coming close, I did miss the mark.  

 

Goals for the next 24 hours:

 

• Continue to make healthy food choices
• Integrate more “me time” and unplug from the world more often
• Drink drink drink more water
• Walk at least 1 mile, shoot for 2, and add small bursts of running as long as there is no pain.

 

7 day goal:

 

• Get my water intake up to a minimum of 64 ounces of water a day by next week Tuesday.
• Get some time in the sun/Son; at least 15 minutes PER DAY!!
• Recognize and replace negative self talk with positive mantras
• Read (pleasure/inspirational/Bible)
• Cut back on phone time; no phone within 30 minutes of waking up (except to shut off alarm and maybe check weather) and no phone at least 30-60 minutes before bed time.

Day 2

Well. Sometimes the thing about motivation is that it is there one moment and completely gone the next. By yesterday afternoon I was giving an office at work a trial run and the first thing I noticed was how close it was to the mini fridge and how I didn't even need to get out of my chair to get there -- just a few rolls and scoots and boom! Welcome snacks!

Picking up from yesterday morning, I did end up pouring the cola down the drain. It involved using a knife and cutting a slit in the top. But a goal this month is to eliminate soda/pop/cola. Water will replace it. I also want to cut back on coffee creamers. I drink chai and coffee and put in way more than 1 TBSP of creamer. I used to not drink any coffee or creamer, but then I am not sure when I decided it would be a cool thing to do? I want to cut down on caffeine, too. To get to that point where I have it cut out of my diet completely would be amazing!

My diet yesterday consisted of a half of protein powder shake, carrots and hummus, 4 s'mores yogurts from Aldi's, 1 fiber one brownie, 1 peanut and dark chocolate protein bar, a handful and a half of the remaining Cheddar Wavy potato chips, and a Capri Sun and a chai tea in addition to the water I drank (close to 45 oz). Then I came home to S'more Oreos. I limited myself to only 4.

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Waking up this morning was not easy. Honestly, I get really frusterated at myself that FaceBook is my go-to in the morning. I want to meditate. I want to pray. I want to read my bible, listen to worship music, exercise. I think I need to not put my phone so close to my bed. That will help significantly.

Once I did get rolled out of bed, I grabbed my yoga mat and brought it downstairs. If I had the confidence, I would do yoga on my back deck. But I live in a development and I have no privacy in the yard.

I cranked up the music -- Praise and Worship. And I did close to 20 minutes of floor exercises, all the while playing fetch with my puppy. Nothing like laying down doing bridges and to look up as my puppy was sitting there ready to drop her toy on my face. Anything to keep the squidge happy!

So now here I sit. Barely 40 minutes into my day. I feel I have gotten next to nothing accomplished. I have to head off to work in the next 45 minutes. I have to get ready for work in that time. I want to go for a walk before work. I want to get outside.

I also ordered more herbalife product yesterday. I want to be committed. It worked for me every time I have been on the product. I just get to the point where I don't want to drop the money on it every month.

I need to be ok with just using the basics. If I have the product, I will have breakfasts. Or lunches. Even dinner. It will save me from going to the store so frequently. All in all, I am spending close to the same. Maybe even saving some. But even if I am spending more, I am fueling my body with better nutrients then if I always bough processed carbs or anything else I buy on a whim.

Goals for the next 24 hours:

- continue to make healthy food choices
- drink at least 64 oz of water
- put less coffee creamer in my tea (even if it is 1 tsp less)
- NOT use Face Book first thing tomorrow morning.


Goals for the week:

- Exercise at least 3 out of the next 7 days by means of walks or runs.
- Buy new running shoes
- Start using herbalife consistently

Until tomorrow! :)

Day 1

Welcome June 1st! New month. New me.

One of my friends joined a #30dayshreadchallenge which inspired me to join, too. I submitted a late join request, so I am still waiting to hear if I got in or not. But regardless, here I am ready to roll!

This morning started like any other morning. My alarm went off and I hit snooze ... for at least an hour. On 2 different devices.

Step 2 of my morning routine involves checking email and facebook. This particular morning, my friend who invited me to partake in this challenge, had posted a video. She posted in an hour ago and exuded such excitement and determination that it motivated me to get up and get going.

First thing first, I grabbed the half bottle of cola in my fridge (that regrettably, I have been addicted to once again), and instead of drinking it, I was going to pour it down the drain. Unfortunately I could not get it open. So I just set it on the counter.

Onward to the next great thing! Floor exercises and stretches.

- 10 push ups
- 10 sit ups
- 10 bridges
- 10 leg lifts
- 10 side to side exercises that I have no idea what they are actually called.
- 35 second plank

My puppy was a great partner. She made sure I had some "necessary" resistance and weird movements as she chomped on my hair, and crawled under me, and licked my skin.

Seeing that I am training for a half marathon, I have been doing some running and walking. I was up to 3 miles, but recently I have been encontering some pain severe enough that I have been pressed to make 2 miles. I hit the trail, and managed 1.10 miles today. Better than nothing, not quite the mileage I was looking for.

This weeks goal: buy more herbalife product and buy new running shoes.

What are my goals of this challenge? They go beyond just fitness. I want my mind to be renewed. June is more than just a body reset. I want it to be a lifestyle reset.